so there i laid…

on the lounge around midnight last night. occasionally passing a bottom burp and barking out a laugh at scrubs. when i heard movement out in my backyard. huh. i sit paused with ears straining that sounds bigger than that bastid cat from next door that believes my yard is his outside dunny.

noises cease.

i revert back to my lounge lizard self minus the bottom burps.

heard it again. sit upright peering over the lounge and out thru the glass doors, wondering if i had locked them.

when i spy shadowy movement. closer.

“WHATAREYOUDOING!”…i roar like the freaked out crazy woman that i was.

it is two bloody girls looking for my son.

big mean frowns followed by a curt…”he is asleep in bed”

WTF…is wrong with parents letting their kids wander about town after midnight.

and more to the point letting them wander about in MY backyard.

shew i just amazed myself just then. i have the reflexes of a…a…well buggered if i know but something damn quick. i just snatched a bothersome fly that was let in by the son and his mate clean out of the air as it passed by between my nose and the monitor.

okay time to be getting back to the white powder…or perhaps just a game or two of blogmad’s hangman first, just while i suck down a coffee.

todays word is concupiscence = a strong desire, especially sexual desire; lust.

hmmm them bloody girlies better not be entertaining any of that regarding my fourteen year old son. i believe i should be finding myself a big frigging stick.

uh huh these four…

days off i am doing something!!

dunno what exactly it will be that i am doing but dammit i will be doing “it”.

now what is it i can do that does not involve planting the arse here in front of the computer. hmmm…

i have to finish off…well start really…the old tarts easter craft activity for tuesday…which entails yes more of that heavenly white powder. again, i have a shit load of them to produce. so lets hope i get cracking on them before monday…or else it will be that running around like a headless chook look.

spose i could de-spider the place. the ceilings and cornices are rife with their webby artwork.

will have to do that cooking bizo as i have the spawn from my loins for five or so nights running. it’ll be good to give some structure to my eating habits…not just making do with a vegemite sanga whenever i feel the hunger pangs. so tonight’s menu will be crumbed pork, fried tatties and salad. sounds bloody good don’t it. why yes it do.

[twenty minutes later]

okay…washing has been hung out on the line.

the loo has been domestofied, de-pubed and scrubbed.

whoa. look at me aye. i so fucking rock. don’t think i don’t know all youse out there are jealous and so want my happening life. ha. bugger off.

now i deserve a few games of hangman on blogmad. bloody game has sucked me in big time. tho now i do know that uxorious = being foolishly fond of, excessively submissive or devoted to one’s wife. so to all you husbands under the thumb out there…that’s what you are. u-x-o-r-i-o-u-s. or as we would simply term it…pussy whipped. heh.

well bugger…

i am sad to report that i am not, i repeat not sitting here four million bucks richer…not that i would probably report it here if i was…it’s alll mine i tell ya. so i guess i will be buying a ticket in next weeks draw after all…it actually being the one for twenty-one million, which i did think was this weeks draw hence the ticket buying.

so what have i done with myself over the past couple of days…hmmm nothing out of the ordinary. well you don’t really expect anything BUT the ordinary to happen here with me. eh.

tho a lesson was learnt…before i plop down on the loo to release my bowels, do check to see if the fruit of my loins has raised his blind in the room directly opposite. would save that eye to eye contact with the neighbours ex-boyfriend driving into the complex. no, i don’t bloody close the door…such a small space and with just me [usually] here. welll, i don’t see the need for it really. so glad i wasn’t doing the screwed up face straining look. how unbecoming.

good gawd i wish i had a few cones in me…life is so much more quicker when i have. not to mention i can amuse myself more. did i tell you a couple of weeks back that i resorted to asking at the chemists for a bottle of nyquil? no? yes? anyway, yes i did…bloody don’t have it do they…the one assistant i asked called the other one over and then a conversation ensued over it…they’d never frigging heard of it. so i came home with some crappy stuff called nyal instead. could hardly walk out without something after all the quizzing etc. fuck.

oh well, life drones on unaided i guess.

i swear there is more fucking traffic coming and going from these flats than in the whole township. in…out…in…out. if it’s not the neighbours ex-boyfriend bubba, its her ex-husband doug, if it’s not them, it’s her tootling in and out. constantly. i am seriously thinking of putting in a carpet of road spikes…may slow them up with the in and out bizo for a bit.

welll helloo to missus crabby pants. meh.

somehow i knew…

that the heels clicking up the communal driveway did not belong to someone that i wanted to get out of my bed on a saturday morning at nine-ish to open the door for.

but i did.

get out of bed that is. then i crept out to the lounge room to spy two lower body halves [viewable by my barely up blind] dressed a tad too smartly for this wee hour. instantly i knew i was being blessed with a visit by the jesus jockeys.

now that’s just heaven on a stick.

i stood there motionless with the thought of opening the door if but just to breathe my morning breath all over them in big walloping gusts…”hiiiii, howwww are youuuu bothhhh thissss morniiiing”…punctuated by a leg lifting bottom burp and a long lazy scratch around the nether regions.

i heard something being folded then deposited under my screen door.

the heels receded further up the driveway towards the other flats…they must love coming across flats, units etc…the ratio of steps taken and knockable door opportunities. then the assault on my side door leading from the carport was next. persistent little bastids aren’t they. hmmm maybe they thought they could trick me.

as i watched their lower halves clicking back out i knew that they had no luck at the other three flats.

so here’s a tip to future jesus jockeys…wear non clicky heels…you might get that foot in my door. well not really “in” but it may be opened in error.

oh and under my screen door was a nice little pamphlet from the watch tower people…that’s the jehovies innit?…with a section on the back for further information or a free home bible study please write to…blah blah. so now i am thinking of helping those here in town that could do with a bit of religion up them and writing off for more info to be sent to their home addresses.

*sigh* i do such good work…now i am off to polish me halo.