so i am convinced…

after last nights phone message that my sisters mother smokes crack.

i made the *note to self* that i will no longer listen to messages on my phone at two in the morning…it’s not like i can return the call to workout the verbal hieroglyphics of said phone call…but does that stop me from replaying it in my mind trying to decipher it all…hell no.

my mum is mad and i love her heaps for it…funny old chook she is.

so in returning the phone call this morning all is sorted…mind you apparently the call was made thursday afternoon and i checked it this morning at two am…so how good am i aye. had the invite out to a barbie but declined after hearing the guest list…not that i would have really went anyway. but then again i kinda like to “watch” this particular guest. she is the typical mrs have a gossip-know-everything and as i have mentioned before i frigging love hearing the so-called goings on around the town.

when this woman was introduced to my brother who i will say without a *shudder* incestual [yes, yes bugger off little red squiggly line it is too a word...ha] thought in my head is quite a good-looking bloke and is bloody funny to boot. well old judy hooper just about creams herself in trying to get his attention and engage him in conversation.

now lemme tell you this women is pretty damn rough around the facial arena…oh okay tactfulness be-gone she is just plain old ugly i know she can’t help it but she is…and watching her do the old femme fatale look and actions is just too bloody funny. i hover between wanting to slap her to her senses or just pat her arm in a motion of “now c’mon…seriously judy, do you really think??”…but hell as i said she is great visual and audible fodder. plus it makes me laugh watching my brother have to deal with her…*cackle*.

i know that i make judy and her husband mal a wee bit uncomfortable with both mine and my ex’s presence at any of my families do’s…and hell no that is not the reason why i don’t often attend these functions…i just don’t go. but it is kinda weird to watch them be unsure of how to act around the two of us…all that feeling of having to take sides i spose…which is something my ex and i managed to NOT contend with…hell we still go shopping together and basically treat each other as we did when we were together…just without the occasional rubbing of wee-wees together.

now don’t get me wrong these are good people but damn they can be so in your face…i remember when we first moved up here and my ex was still working down in sydney during the week…well old mal and judy musta have thought i was lonely…lonely enough to enjoy seeing their car drive up thru the front paddocks gate in the early morning.

“mum don’t you like the hoop’s?”… “yes mate, just not at eight in the morning”

now the country hospitality is to have a cuppa or two then move on…one fuck-king morning i plied them with six…SIX cups in the space of two hours before they did indeed move on. i kept thinking…okay one more cup and then surely they will piss off.

the next morning i hid in the high windowed bathroom…fuck that, i can’t take that every morning visiting stuff. nor could i just straight up tell them to just bloody-well bugger off, as that would have hurt their feelings plus all that being friends of my parents blah blah and all. thankfully they eventually stopped the every morning visits…i kinda suspect they heard me knocking some bath salts clattering into the tub.

oh well aye.